Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
