When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
