I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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