I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
