I'm lost and stupid without you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
