Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
