If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
