Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
