didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
