Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize