If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
