In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my vag is so smooth its legendary
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
