Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.

Fav 21 1467 846
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(850): View more from Florida

come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.

Fav 14 895 3725
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(416): View more from Toronto

The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.

Fav 20 1652 4807
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta

Fav 8 4137 1658
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(516): View more from New York

drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries

Fav 4 3343 994
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer

(919): View more from North Carolina

Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can

Fav 4 1867 1261
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(210): View more from Texas

Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.

Fav 17 4652 1298
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(309): View more from Illinois

I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.

Fav 2 354 617
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(936): View more from Texas

Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?

(713): View more from Texas

You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.

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