what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
