I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
