Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
