remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
