I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
