who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
