I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
