I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
