really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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