everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
