Too much gin, very little bucket
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
