Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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