$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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