i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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