so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
