mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
