O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
