OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
