ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize