Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
