I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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