the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
