and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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