my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
