I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
