Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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