is your mom at the bar?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
