I wish I only lived at night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
