i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
