Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
