I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
