it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
