i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
