If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
