What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think i got beer on your cat.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
