One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
