last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
