he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
