Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
