i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I lost the right to judge tonight
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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