You really coming over, don't trick.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Randomize
