Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
