Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
