i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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