I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize