i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
