i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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