My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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