im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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