Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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