I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
