At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
