I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
